PRAYING FOR BROOK …

Brook Sarver, our missionary to Thailand, posted this Sunday. His transparency needs the encouragement of our prayers ….

“Some things are easier to admit than others.  We all have issues  (some of us more than others… (I’m probably one of those “some of us”)) but admitting them isn’t easy…

We started our journey in Thailand nearly 5 years ago when Sara and I came to Thailand as college students looking for a 6 month internship overseas.  It was that several month experience that broke our hearts for the people of Thailand.  We’ve never been the same since.  From that point on everything that we did was pushing us toward the goal of getting back to Thailand.  We were young in our marriage?  Fine, we spent three years in counseling and preparing ourselves for life together overseas.  We were inexperienced in ministry?  No problem, we invested nearly 3 years (which in reflection isn’t all that much as a 27 year old) as pastors at our home church back home.  We grew a ton and learned a lot about ourselves and working with people in ministry.  We had a mountain of debt to pay off for our collective 8 years of private, Christian higher education?  Fine.  We’ll wait and pray for that to come together also…

All of these things helped prepare us for our lives here in Thailand this past year and a half, yet all of the sudden we find ourselves running on empty.  The daily grind of life in a new culture, language and being so far removed from all of those whom we love and miss has gotten to us.  Now, we’ve studied the books, had classes specifically devoted to burnout as part of our 4 year degrees in Missions from Huntington University and are aware of the warning signs of burnout; yet it still found us.

The stress we experience here in Thailand isn’t anything so acute that we can’t stand it.  We still tackle each day as it comes.  It’s more of a dull stress that accumulates over time.  The feelings of inadequacy, frustrations in language learning, and general sense of being lonely eventually gets to you… …no matter how much you’ve read or prepared.

Which brings us to now.  Some time ago everything that I did came out of a deep passion for doing that thing, but lately I feel like I’m operating from a place of emptiness.  Where did that passion go?  Where’s that thing that when all else fails, pushes me to keep doing what I am doing?

These are questions that I’ve come to understand that nearly every missionary experiences at some point.  But I miss it…  I miss feeling like I’m accomplishing something.  I miss feeling like I’m good at something…  I miss that passion I had to do what I am doing…